Jake’s Big Ass Oscar Rundown, Part 6: The Bloody Postmortem

If I had managed a perfect score, this article would have just been the words “I’M PSYCHIC, SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!” That didn’t happen. I figured there’d be a couple upsets. Maybe some memorable moments in the ceremony worth writing about. So let’s look at how bad I whiffed it. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS My Pick: Regina King The Winner: Regina King BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE Rooting For: Minding the Gap My Pick: Free Solo The Winner: Free Solo BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLING My Pick: Vice The Winner: Vice At this point, I’m getting cocky… BEST COSTUME DESIGN My Pick: Mary, Queen of Scots The Winner: Black Panther Shit. BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN My Pick: Black Panther The Winner: Black Panther BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY My Pick: Roma The Winner: Roma BEST SOUND EDITING My Pick: A Quiet Place The Winner: Bohemian Rhapsody BEST SOUND MIXING My Pick: Bohemian Rhapsody The Winner: Bohemian Rhapsody BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM My Pick: Roma The Winner: Roma BEST EDITING My Pick: Vice The Winner: Bohemian Rhapsody BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR Rooting For: Richard E. Grant My Pick: Mahershala Ali The Winner: Mahershala Ali BEST ANIMATED FEATURE My Pick: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse The Winner: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse BEST ANIMATED SHORT My Pick: One Small Step The Winner: Bao BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT My Pick: End Game The Winner: Period. End of Sentence. BEST VISUAL EFFECTS My Pick: First Man The Winner: First Man BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT My Pick: Mother The Winner: Skin BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Rooting For: First Reformed My Pick: The Favourite The Winner: *sigh* Green Book BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Rooting For: BlacKkKlansman My Pick: Can You Ever Forgive Me? The Winner: BlacKkKlansman BEST ORIGINAL SCORE My Pick: Nicholas Britell, If Beale Street Could Talk The Winner: Ludwig Göransson, Black Panther BEST ORIGINAL SONG My Pick: “Shallow,” A Star Is Born The Winner: “Shallow” BEST ACTOR Rooting For: Willem Dafoe My Pick: Rami Malek The Winner: Rami Malek BEST ACTRESS Rooting For: Olivia Colman My Pick: Glenn Close The Winner: Olivia Colman BEST DIRECTOR My Pick: Alfonso Cuarón The Winner: Alfonso Cuarón BEST PICTURE Rooting For: Black Panther My Pick: Roma The Winner: Fucking Green Book My Score: 13 out of 24. 54%. A high F. Well, I’m sure y’all know what my biggest gripes are so let’s put those off a moment and go over some other things first. I was 0 for 3 on the shorts back in Part 1 of the Rundown. I was pretty open about not knowing the patterns of what wins and just goin with my personal preferences (ALWAYS a risky move with Oscar prognostication). Using hindsight, I was a fool to bet against the might of Pixar. Also it makes some sense in retrospect that the only documentary short that WASN’T crazy sad or horrifying took home the gold. I was a bit surprised Skin won. Some people really seem to think it’s problematic or racist and I don’t quite get it. (Though even if it was, THAT didn’t seem to be a problem tonight.) A friend of mine said the Nazis were glorified and certain black characters were demonized and I am not sure they saw the same short film as me? But whatever. It won. In a couple categories I predicted using logic that made sense but turned out not to be applicable. So that explains my misses in Costume Design and Sound Editing. Personal bias swayed me in Original Score (though it was a pretty widespread prediction so I’m not alone). And hey, a couple of people who I wanted to win but didn’t think would… did! So hooray for Olivia Colman and Spike Lee! I don’t always notice editing. It’s one of those arts that usually goes unnoticed. When it’s as choppy and awkward as it was in Bohemian Rhapsody I do notice it. Apparently the Academy also took notice. And rewarded it. Go figure. But you already can guess my big gripes: Green Book for Original Screenplay and BEST GOD DAMN PICTURE. I did have a nagging feeling that Green Book could win just BECAUSE it would piss me off so much. Plus the Producers Guild foreshadowed this. I really don’t know what more to say about Green Book that I didn’t say in my Best Picture predictions. It has a facile take on race relations and minimizes the role of the man whose story SHOULD be told in favor of the writer’s hero worship of his father. But whatever. This has happened before. History has consigned Crash to random Oscar trivia. (“What mediocre movie beat the classic Brokeback Mountain?”) Green Book will continue to be celebrated by people who shout “Hooray! Racism is over!” while the rest of us just try to move on. If Beale Street Could Talk hits disc and VOD March 12. First Reformed is on Amazon Prime and Kanopy (which is free if you have a library card). Roma and Black Panther are on Netflix. Hearts Beat Loud is on Hulu. There’s quality 2018 cinema out there. Check it out.